Monday, July 21, 2008

There's actually a Wikipedia entry on "Meaning of Life"

Part II of my champagne induced jaw break story is coming up...


Last week I received this email from my good friend Claire:

I was talking to Gemma.. and I've come to the conclusion that I want to be you for a day.. no stress, I can get away w/ anything by smiling, people won't blame me for most of my actions "cause, it’s CM"...want to be stress free in my own little world!! hahaha.. ahhhhhhhhh!! I've reached my limit today.. and could easily kill someone from sprint through the phone!

Ha! So I apparently live in la la land, and my life is all butterflies and red velvet cupcakes…I wish! Actually, my sunny disposition belies my serious concern that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE. OMG, I’m almost 24. I know this is all pathetically cliché for people my age, but I can’t help but think -
Shouldn’t I have accomplished more, traveled more, seen more, learned more, done more by now?!

Lately, I have been a little disturbed by how hedonistic my and my friends’ lives are. Don’t get me wrong, I love (love love love) New York, and I’m proud that despite a hectic work schedule, I’m always doing something new, fun, or interesting. But it seems that recently, my biggest concerns everyday are so self-involved and trivial –
Should I go to the gym or get drinks with so-and-so? Should I go to this concert or to that party? Where should the girls & I go for dinner? When will this horrific haircut grow out?

Unlike a normal person who would be grateful to be free of problems, I actually feel guilty about it. Like maybe because I’m happy and healthy, have great friends and family, I should be doing more with my life. While I was moving, I came across a few books I read a while ago that collectively made me feel like an utterly worthless waste of space. The list includes Giving, Leaving Microsoft to Change the World, Banker to the Poor, and The End of Poverty (Jeffrey Sachs' new book Common Wealth is pretty good if you're an econ geek...guilty!). Avoid reading these if you find yourself wondering how your career makes any difference in the grand scheme of human existence, because it probably doesn’t.

Anyway, I guess I have just been lost the past few months. The intellectual challenge and sense of accomplishment I used to get from my job has been eroded by stress after my boss left my team in March and my new, inexperienced boss stepped in. I’m all about working hard, but not when I don’t feel my efforts make any difference and aren’t appreciated. Outside of work, I have not been motivated to follow through with many things I’ve started, which is really disappointing because I have never been a quitter. Learning Spanish didn’t happen, taking the CFA didn’t happen, even running on a regular basis has been spotty.

So I decided last night that now is the time to make some changes! I’m joining a new team at work in two weeks, and from what I know about them now, it’s going to be great, personally and professionally. I also made a list of other things I want to accomplish in the short and long term. Overall, I like who I am now and I’m anxiously excited to see who I become.

So basically this was a pep talk to myself. Awesome.

P.S. Hi dad, it's kind of creepy you're reading this! =)

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